


Of Roses, Spiders, Emily and Accelerators

by AcornScorn



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Not Beta Read, Possibly getting back together, Post-Break Up, so there might be some repeats and mistakes in it, temporary peace offering, the less wonderful side of tracer's condition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16537751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcornScorn/pseuds/AcornScorn
Summary: Sometimes, on the quietest nights, time catches up with Lena.





	Of Roses, Spiders, Emily and Accelerators

“Enjoy the vacation!” Lena said, waving cheerfully at Hana and  Lúcio  as they bounded down the stairs, holding onto each other’s hands and running away. She sighed, leaning against the doorway as she let her mind skip and blur into what felt like nothingness until-

“Are you all right?”

She glanced backwards to see Winston was staring at her from inside the base, worry etched into his features. “Hm? Oh! I feel great, love. Just enjoying the winter snow.”

He gave her a small smile. “You should run along yourself now,” he said. “Quickly, before Soldier brings back beer and a drunken Reinhardt.”

She laughed, nodding. “I just need my coat really quick-”  He held it out for her, pushing his glasses up with his other hand. “Have a good night, Lena.”

 

 

She walked until she couldn’t feel her toes. Blast her and her gym shoes not handling the winter well. Even so, she didn’t realize until she had made it to the cemetery that she had even planned to go there.

There was someone standing in front of a grave that was vaguely familiar. Lena squinted at the figure. Long, black hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail, and purple skin…wait, purple? She set a hand on her pulse gun, only to freeze when she heard the stranger speak and hold a hand up in greeting.

“You should relax, Tracer. I am in no mood for fighting tonight.”

When it became obvious that Widowmaker wasn’t going to attack her (yet, at least!), Lena took a step forward, and then another, until she was close enough to see the name on the gravestone. Ah. It was her husband, her namesake, her first kill.

“Come to pay respects?” Lena asked, voice edging on shrill as she leaned to the side to get a glimpse of the woman’s face. Widowmaker, of course, showed no change in expression, nor did she look over, but the brunette knew her moves were being watched.

“You could say so.”

When nothing else was given, Lena moved to a stone bench to the side of the gravestone, brushing the snow off before taking a seat. Widowmaker moved after a minute, heading towards her. Awkwardly, Lena brushed off another foot of snow, surprised when Widow took the silently-offered seat.

“Do ya’ miss him?” Lena asked at last. Maybe she was reflecting on her own life, now. Or maybe she really was just curious about Widow’s past. She wasn’t sure what was the real reason, and which was the lie to make her feel better about the question.

“I do not remember what it feels like to miss someone,” Widow admitted at last, voice coming out surprisingly thoughtful. “Although I sometimes wonder how different life would be if I still had him as my husband.”

Lena laughed, though there was no joy in her tone. “Tell me about it,” she said, leaning back and then forward again. “Back when I was dating Emily, I-well. Things ARE different.”

Widowmaker’s eyes shifted towards her. “I do not like asking questions,” she said. “Especially when it doesn’t concern me. But you want to talk, don’t you?”

Lena scoffed, looking away before nodding. Snow had begun to fall, but she didn’t want to leave, not when there was something she could learn from such a strange meeting. She rubbed at her arms and looked up towards the sky.

“My chronal accelerator keeps me grounded,” she said. “Without it, I was going for months dimension-hopping and the like. It felt like I was everywhere and nowhere at once. I could be in a room but nobody would notice. Nobody would hear me screaming for help, and I’d given up until a friend built this for me,” Lena finished, tapping at the machine on her chest, hidden underneath her jacket. “But before then, what I was experiencing was something called chronal disassociation.”

Widowmaker didn’t react, so Lena took it as a sign to continue. 

“I’m glad-so glad, really!-that my friend built this for me. But sometimes it feels like I’m back in that emptiness, like nothing I do matters and I’m stuck living in the same point in life for the rest of my life.” Lena let out a sharp laugh, feeling an embarrassing prickle in her eyes to signal oncoming tears. “I’ll be enjoying my fourth year being 26 after Christmas.”

At that, Widowmaker’s eyes widened just a fraction. Had the assassin not known the eery bonus to Tracer’s condition? 

“I broke up with Emily last year. I didn’t want to. I love her, still, and sometimes I see her when I visit my hometown, but we don’t talk. I was scared to see her grow up and leave me.” Reaching up, Lena felt hot tears slide down her cheek as she finally told someone her worst secrets. “And I’m so jealous! Jealous of her, which is bloody awful of me to be. Who wouldn’t want to be stuck at the prime age of 26, right? Well! Me! I don’t want to be! But I was jealous because she was growing up, and I have no choice but to stay here, and watch her leave.”

Now she took a minute to catch her breath, holding her hands up to her face and puffing warm air into them. A second passed and she felt something touch the back of her neck. She looked up to see Widow had taken off her scarf and set it over her shoulders. “Thank you-”

“You make it sound as if she was so desperate to leave. You pushed her away, did you not? Even a dog will bite you if you beg.”

Lena straightened up, mouth opening, but nothing came out. It wasn’t like Widow was wrong, but it hurt, hearing it from someone else. They were far from friends, but Lena still waited, hoping there was more.

It must have been a Christmas miracle that Widow kept speaking.

“If you live to be a hundred and twenty-six, you will have all the wisdom of someone so old. That alone will age you enough. Your regrets, and your secrets, and your memories will weigh you down. Emily will not leave you behind, but you are letting yourself sink into nothing while she struggles to watch.”

Lena looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. “I just-it’s hard, you know? Thinking about it all, sometimes I think it was easier in that state of chronal disassociation, where at least I knew I was barely existent. When I’m walking around, or holding hands with Emily, near the end, that was all I could think about.”

“Do you miss it?” Widowmaker asked, surprising Lena. It was similar to her earlier question as well.

“I thought you didn’t like asking questions!” Lena pointed out. Widowmaker scoffed. 

“Even spiders are known for playing with their prey,” she said, though her tone held none of the cold venom Lena knew her capable of. 

“No,” Lena said, thinking back to that empty nothingness, the silence and the screaming, and then of Emily, and her smile and her laugh. “I wouldn’t ever go back.”

Widowmaker stood up, suddenly, turning to stand in front of Lena, and again the younger of the two set a hand on one of her pulse guns. “It is time for me to go,” Widowmaker said. She turned around, the back of her neck now exposed as her scarf fluttered around Lena’s neck.

“I do not regret who I am now, because I am the best at my job, and I do not remember how to feel regret unless it is  _ for _ my job.” Did she sound sad about that? To Lena, it sounded almost like-

“But if I could experience the joy that you almost shine of when you speak of… Emily,” she said, as if just saying the name was unusual, “then I would not let her go. I gave up on Gérard, and I feel no remorse, but I feel no joy either. I believe I used to be human, once.”

With that, Widowmaker held up a hand, turning back to her husband’s grave. Tracer watched, hand still on her own weapon, as Widowmaker pulled something out of her pocket and set it on the ground. When she stepped away, heading towards the exit, Lena could see a single rose left on the ground, the only splash of color in a quiet, lonely world. She didn’t move, even as Widowmaker stretched her legs, held out her grappling hook, and burst into a sprint as soon as she left the cemetery gates.

 

She put a hand up to her neck, safe from the wind thanks to the scarf.

"Uh-Widow-shoot, that's not it- Amélie!" she shouted, jumping from her seat and running to the entrance of the graveyard. "Thank you! Merry Christmas!" she called out, though she wasn't sure if the woman had even heard her.

Only then did she realize how bizarre the entire situation had been, and now, alone and beginning to shiver with the cold, did the realization hit her. Lena hurried back to the bench, the beginnings of a plan in her mind. She cupped her hands and blew into them, wiggling her fingers to warm them up before she pulled her phone out. Her fingers dialed a number without looking at the screen. "I've gotta tell Winston about what just happened," she murmured, though the comment was more of a mental note for later. She had more pressing matters at hand.

The dial tone ended abruptly. She heard a soft breath. " _ Hello? Who is this? _ "

"Emily? Is that you, love?"

" _ Lena. _ "

She hesitated, the hand not holding her phone curling into a tight fist. "I just-wanted to say Merry Christmas, and all. Ask how you're doing, if you're not busy." Lena bit at her lip. "Catch up, maybe?"

Maybe this was a bad idea. But she was lonely, and Emily-Emily had been her everything. In a way, she still was, because since breaking up with her, she was still the first person Lena thought of when waking, and the last person she thought of when going to sleep. 

" _It's almost twelve,_ " Emily said, and only now did Lena realize her voice was rough with sleep. "Oh, crap! I'm sorry, love, I didn't even realize. Just...don't worry! It was an accident, I'll let you sleep-"

" _It's all right,_ " Emily said, interrupting her. " _Merry Christmas, Lena._ "

The tears from earlier came back suddenly, burning her eyes. Lena looked up to the stars, praying to herself that no tears would spill while she was talking on the phone. 

" _I'm doing well,_ " Emily continued, clearing her throat. When she spoke again,  her voice was much clearer, that low timbre Lena adored listening to. " _Busy working on the novel, but it's almost done._ "

"Is it!" Lena stood up, the chill from the stone bench finally too much to bare. She began walking again, offering a single wave to Gérard’sgrave as she passed, eyes lingering on the abandoned rose set on it. "I'd like to read it. Would you let me-" Suddenly aware of how many boundaries and rules she was probably breaking, Lena cut herself off, though she stopped walking again when she heard Emily laugh. 

" _Of course you can._ "  Lena yelped as a car swerved past her, breathing hot air into her hand again.  " _Are you out somewhere?_ " Emily asked. Lena nodded at first without realizing how strange that was. 

"Yup! We were told to head home to enjoy the holidays, but I've been so busy I hadn't even decorated the old apartment."

There was a pause. 

" _Do you want to come over?_ " Emily said. " _Maybe read the first chapter of my novel, get something warm to drink? You must be freezing._ "

Lena laughed. “I am, actually!”

Her footsteps picked up, until she was racing along the sidewalk, ducking and weaving between the last strangers of the night. “ _I’ll see you soon?_ ” Emily asked. 

“Right on, love!”

 

When Lena ended the call, she paused for a moment to put the phone in her bag and tighten the scarf around her neck. She thumped her chest, the accelerator flickering on immediately, and began to blink forward, dodging cars on the road and people in her way as she ran home to Emily, making sure not to waste any more time.

**Author's Note:**

> what do you mean its not christmas yet? also redemption story for widow someday please. this was my first fic for this fandom, please leave kudos+comments if you liked it ! Also if anyone is willing to beta this story lmk because I wrote one half yesterday, the other half today, and I didn't even read through it because I was just too excited to post it. Thanks for reading !


End file.
